Day After Day

Anonymous (12)

One afternoon during the weekday, my mom decided that we could stay after school and play at the playground since we lived across the street. While my brother and I were playing with our friends, my mom sat on the stairs just thinking and thinking. Our throats were getting drier and drier with each second so we decided to go and drink some water from our water bottle. As the cold water was going down my throat, my mom looked like she wanted to say something. 

She groaned, “We need to go so we can go home and talk about something important.”

I was confused and just looked over to my brother because my mom was cracking word by word. My brother and I just went back to say bye and get our backpacks; we followed my mom so we didn’t get yelled at. As I walk behind my mom, I see her arm swipe left to right on her face. 

I mumbled to my brother, “Is she crying?”

My brother muttered “I don’t know. Just keep walking.” We got home and my mom didn’t even let me put my bag down. 

She commanded, “Let’s go and sit down right here.”

As I was sitting down, my heart was racing  20 more beats per minute.

“Your dad cheated on me. I’m going to file for divorce,” she cried. 

I felt like I was in a nightmare. Her words were repeating in my head and not stopping. In my head, it was game over. I felt abandoned. I felt like I was just left in the middle of the world with no way back. 

My mom mumbled, “Sorry. I know it is going to hurt, but I’m sorry.” 

I look over and see my brother crying like there is no end in sight. I walked over and punched the fridge out of anger. After that, I started to see my dad as the devil. My mom didn’t deserve that… we as his “world” didn’t deserve that. All I wanted to know was why. 

After that day, I didn’t talk to my dad for maybe a year. I saw my mom struggle with alcohol addiction daily. The alcohol became more than a drink it was her therapy. I was more or less taking care of my mom rather than the other way around, she wasn’t herself. But I didn’t have any feelings toward the situation. Little by little, I became angrier and angrier as the situation progressed.

A year and a half later…

I noticed as a young girl in this world that everyone is going through things and I’m not alone. I can’t start using drugs or alcohol to cope because of my dad’s actions. I can’t just expunge that moment so I needed to reflect. I realized that I had my aunt, my favorite teacher, and my cousins to support me. My teacher helped me by making me read letters so I could let go. My aunt was just there for me and my mom especially when my mom needed some time alone. I don’t blame my mom for anything because she supported this man and was there for him every day, no matter what yet he decided to be devious with her. I want girls to know that they are worth more, no matter what they experience. Later on, I talked to my dad and told him how I felt and I left him crying as he did to me. But I forgive him, not out of pity but, because I can’t live with this anger anymore. I AM WORTH IT. I BELONG HERE.